we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
