Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
