it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
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I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
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Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have fence marks all over my body
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize