corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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