id be glad to
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
