So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
