I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
A bitchslap is in order.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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