every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
