I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
