Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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