so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
