in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
