I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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