just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
