have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
