Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
