Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
