true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
