i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
