it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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