And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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