You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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