What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
