so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
