Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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