ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
