I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
