My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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