You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
