No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
