It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
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why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
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I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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