new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
