and you said cock pushups were impossible
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
