Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
