the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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