Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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