So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
