Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
