Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
