I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
