so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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