Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
