ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
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Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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