we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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