So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
