I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
