Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
