Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
