Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
