I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
