life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
