i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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