i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
