i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
