Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
