It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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