So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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