Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So squirting runs in the family.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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