i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
