I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
