Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
