Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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