Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
