My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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