she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She's the barista slut.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize