I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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