wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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