His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
