hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
