I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
