you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Success! We fucked roommates!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
