I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
