He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
