I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
