i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
