let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
