I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
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He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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